i always feel like somebody's watchin' me

Ok so the 4th was VERY un-fourth-a-fied.

Got up.

Cleaned.

I helped Peteypuke move an Ikea dining set from a coworkers house to his house, trash his old one, and set up the new one.

Well he set it up, while I sat on the couch and cooled off because it was over 80 degrees and I can not handle the hotness of the outdoors.

We then proceeded to the local grocer to buy food for our bbq at my house.

Since Pete and I are huge babies and can not deal with summer heat I made him purchase bottles of soda to drink for the 20 minutes we were shopping in the store.

Of course, making sure the grocer's official bright orange "this was not stolen" sticker was on the bottles we were drinking so they would know we are not shoplifters.

On a side note, I have a huge Winona-complex. You know being called a shoplifter even though you aren't one. Even though she is one. I am not. Anymore. I never recovered from getting caught for stealing when I was 16 and on a trip to visit my friend Michigan. The in-store undercover fake police took me in a room and photographed my faux alligator skinned Dr.'s bad and put next to a picture of me. They said they wouldn't tell our parents and paid a $100 fine. All this for razors, lipstick, and Exclamation parfum.

Anyhow picked out some of the BBQ basics and since I did not have a grill I did buy a "portable grill" for $6.99. Which was basically a large tin pan on legs (which ended up a 2 legged tin pan propped up on bricks because one of the legs ended up missing).

After shopping I went home to get ready for the big BBQ of 3 (myself, peteypuke, and Trishelle when I then received a call from petepuke letting me know JJP JJP decided to get out of his cold hard bed of sadness and depression and join us.

I wanted to this to be a casual relaxed affair and did not want to make my usual mistake on not enjoying myself because as Martha Jr. I feel the need to have everything perfect.

So when JJP walks in he is disappointed that in the 45 min. it took him to get there we did not have the food cooked, waiting for him on a plate so he decides to raid my fridge.

He walks into my living room and I see him chomping on a piece of week old pizza from a box that I had sitting on the kitchen counter since 10:00am with the intentions of taking it to the dumpster.

I begged him to stop eating it because it was old and sitting out all day and it was garbage, but he assured me it was delicious and he did not care.

30 seconds later he spit it out. Then said he was ready to get the BBQ started.

After ghetto-grilling, watching an hour of Fashion Televison off my Tivo, and finishing our discussing on the many hilarious uses for the word, "shrouded", we decided to play the Mystic Soothsayer (aka wooden pre-Ouija board reproduction I bought from Restoration Hardware).

We thought it spooky to play outdoors but since there were fireworks going off like the bombs of Iraq in the yards surrounding my condo we had to move the board and the mood music (Leonard Cohen) indoors.

As we proceeded to play (without John who was mocking us) we found out the "person" we were talking to was a decapatated 6 year old who couldn't spell and told us they wanted us to "bring DEF" to them, that the magic 8-ball is real, and that Trisha would have a kid named Michael. Since we all had dead legs from kneeling over my coffee table we decided to move the board again.

This time we decided to get John involved and here's how the conversation goes.....

(With our 6 fingers on the pointer and spinning it in circles) Pete: "We are opening the door to you, we welcome you to speak with us......."

I see my cat out of the corner of my eye going into the bathroom which JJP just used.

Me: "John did you leave that door open?"

Pete: "We are opening the door..............."

Pete: "We are opening the door to let the spirits in...."

Me: "John. Did you leave that door open? The cat is going to eat my last roll of toilet paper"

JJP closed the door and did not rejoin the game.

When we asked if the board was angry with all the mocking it pointed to JJP.

So that was the end of the faux Ouija session and the end of the un-Fourth-athon.

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